Once upon a time, in A.S. forty three.
(Mercenaries enter and posture as they are called.)
There was a Heavy Combatant, a Plumed Combatant, and Little Banner Bearer.
The mercenaries were all authorised and inspected.
And while waiting for their porridge, the three mercenaries decided to go for a war in the woods.
(Mercenaries file out. Enter Fairylocks, skipping.)
Fairylocks was new to the SCA and wanted to have a go at fighting.
Fairylocks had been taught the rules of the list.
FL: List? I've got a list here somewhere. Milk, eggs, bread, ...
No.
FL: Duct tape?
Getting closer, but no.
Recognising the possibilities of physical harm to himself,
Having been properly authorised under society and kingdom procedures,
And found acceptable to the Sovereign.
(pause...) Yes, your majesties?
Adhering to the appropriate armour and weapons standards,
Any of which the marshal or crown have the right to bar,
Behaving in a knightly and chivalrous manner,
Certainly not being forced to meet any challenge put to him,
And holding no real weapons,
And only approved projectile weapons.
(FL lets a concealed weapon of dubious nature fall to the floor. Possibly tennis balls, or a sock of marbles.)
Fairylocks had borrowed a beautiful 14 gauge mild steel or equivalent helm, rigid elbow and knee cops, kidney and neck protection, sturdy shoes, and a box.
He entered the mercenary campsite in search of the final necessities. He needed a shield.
The first shield he found was too big.
(FL picks up and discards a pavisse.)
The second shield was too small.
(FL picks up and discards a buckler.)
The third shield was just right.
(FL finds a normal tourney shield.)
Now Fairylocks needed a weapon. The first sword needed re-taping.
(FL finds a splintered and bent old piece of rattan.)
The second sword was too narrow.
(FL finds a rapier dagger.)
The third sword was just right.
FL: Sweeet!
Just at that moment, the mercenaries returned to their campsite and were enraged to find pillaging occurring off the battlefield. Heavy Combatant engaged Fairylocks.
HC: Milord, I am engaging you, thieving dog that you are.
The first blow was light.
(HC charges forward and lightly taps FL's helm.)
The second blow was excessive.
(HC enthusiastically takes aim.)
FL: Hey! Just hold on there...
All: HOLD!!
All rise. Lay on.
The confusion had allowed Fairylocks to get the upper hand. He killed Heavy Combatant from behind.
FL: Father Bear, you are slain!
He killed Plumed Combatant by presenting his weapon within minimum range.
FL: Mother Bear, you too are slain!
That's way more than five meters. (A tape measure is used.)
FL: (Steps closer) Mother Bear, you're slain!
PC: Good!
And Little Banner Bearer...
FL: Do you yield?
LBB: (enthusiastically) YES!
Fairylocks claimed the banner for later ransom.
Once a final hold had been called...
All: HOLD!
Are there any left alive on the mercenary side?
(Silence)
Victory to Fairylocks. Helms off!
And they all lived happily ever after.
(All take bows.)
Copyright Jaysen Ollerenshaw 2008. Free use within the SCA.
Joan & Crispin's Homepage: https://wotnot.squanderlings.com/